Validation

by Becky
(Idaho)

When I am working with my staff, whether in a group or alone, when they express a feeling or thought, I compliment them.

"That is a great idea." Then I go on to explain why it will or will not work.

"You are right, that can be frustrating." Then we can talk about what parts the person owns and what part I can help with.

By validating their statements, the person opens up and gives more information and is able to also listen more.

I recently used this exercise at a staff meeting. One of the staff members who is typically very negative was vocal at the meeting and each time she complained, I might reply, "You make a very good point. I have seen that." or "I agree that must be frustrating to you." Even though I wasn't necessarily agreeing with her, she felt like I was acknowledging her. She later told other staff it was the best staff meeting she had been to. Another staff member told me recently, "I feel so smart when I work with you."

Validating their comments is the key.